First Day of School

Cutest Baby Ever

Girls Night Out

I took my girls (ages 6 and 4) shopping at the mall tonight for shoes and clothes in preparation for school, which starts next week. I'm convinced that shopping must be a natural instinct for girls--my little ones did not tire out one bit and they got very excited about nearly every article of clothing. It was a ton of fun catching a glimpse into the future of shopping with my girls. It was making me laugh--Ally, 6 year old, is all about the bling. Show her a rhinestone belt and the girl goes nuts. LOL!

I'm so glad we didn't bring Daddio or Big J, or even 5 month old Little J, as I'm sure it would have been a total drag. Guys aren't much fun to shop with. They just don't get it.

I also realized tonight, as I do each time the seasons begin to change and I have to restock my children's closets, that clothing four children is not cheap. Daddio is going to have to put in some overtime.

Beautiful Angel

Clara Belen BOUNTIFUL - Clara Belen passed away Thursday August 4, 2005 after a two year battle with cancer. She was born April 2, 2002 in Salt Lake City, Utah the daughter of Wade Edward and Angela Marie. She spent most of her life in Grantville, Georgia returning this spring with her parents to Bountiful, Utah. Clara touched everyone who knew her. She was a strength to her Mom and Dad throughout her treatment. Clara always had a smile no matter how much discomfort she was in. In spite of her intensive chemotherapy treatment and numerous surgeries in efforts to cure her, Clara was continually reminding us of the great joys of life. Clara loved to make cookies, read bedtime stories, sing in the car with Dad, paint with Mom, and she especially loved to cuddle and watch movies. We love you Clara sooo much! She is survived by her parents; brother, Adam Ezra; grandparents, Arbon, James and Deborah, Arlo and Wilma; and great-grandparents, Clyde and Jeri. Funeral services will be held 11 a.m. Tuesday August 9, 2005 where friends may call Monday Aug. 8th from 6-8 p.m. and Tues. 9:45-10:45 a.m. prior to services. Interment, Bountiful Memorial Park.

*last names removed to protect family's privacy

Saying Good-bye

Still more about Clara...

Some girlfriends and I from high school (Lisa, Rona, Cami, Tanya, Heather) had a sketch of Jesus cradling Clara drawn in January as a gift for Angi and Wade. Here it is:

(The doctors at that time had anticipated that Clara would possibly die before Christmas--if not before then shortly after. We took the drawing over to their home on Sunday night. We wanted to give it to them then so they could display it at her viewing and funeral).

It was absolutely heartbreaking walking up to their front door and seeing little Clara’s pink shoes still sitting outside the door. Once inside, Angi brought the dress she had been making Clara out to show us, at which point Angi starts crying. We all started crying. A little background about the dress: Angi and Wade had a baby boy, Adam, in June. Adam was to be blessed on Sunday and Angi had been making Clara a pink dress for that occasion. Clara kept insisting that she needed a white dress instead. She knew.

It really was a nice visit, though. It was nice to sit there with Angi, cry with her, laugh with her about the funny things Clara loved-gum, lip gloss, glitter. We looked through pictures and Angi explained many of them—Clara on a surfboard, Clara with a HUGE smile on her face making Spongebob Squarepants cookies in the middle of the night, Clara in the hospital on the day she was diagnosed. It was beautiful to be able to sit in their home and listen to memories and share such an intimate experience with them. They are the strongest couple I have ever known.

Clara’s viewing was the following night, Monday, August 8. Hundreds of people came to the funeral home to give their condolences. The hard part of that viewing, for me, was that they had an open casket. I have never in my life seen, nor do I ever want to see again, a deceased child. Never.

The funeral was yesterday, Tuesday, August 9. The best word to describe it: brutal. It was so raw, and so heart-wrenching. Angi was brave enough to stand up and read a letter she had written Clara about how much she missed her, how much she loved her. Seeing my dear friend as a grieving mother was enough to almost kill me. As a mother myself, I was able to feel what she was saying, feel her pain. I do not know how she is even continuing to face each day.

At the same time it was a very nice funeral. Clara was loved abundantly and she touched so many lives in her short three years, including mine. She makes me want to become a better mother, to let the little things go, to gather my children around me and tell them how special they are to me, to play more board games, to eat more ice cream cones, to visit the zoo-even on hot days. To live life like it is a gift. Because it is.

Clara

I finally decided to jump on the blogging bandwagon. Why? Cause I like to complicate my life even more. I'm always looking for new, exciting ways to do that. ;)

However, my first entry is going to be a terribly difficult one to write. I guess this is actually why I decided to begin blogging. I need to write these feelings out somewhere. How about on the internet for the whole world to see?

Last night one of my best friends lost her daughter to cancer. Little three-year-old Clara was diagnosed nearly exactly two years to the date of her passing with stage 4 liver cancer. She was only 15 months at the time. Chemo, radiation, homeopathic remedies, prayers, even a liver transplant was not able to save her. However, she fought her battle so bravely, never wanting to give in. Near the end of her life, she was given a week to live—she beat that timetable and lived 8 months beyond that prognosis. Nearly everyone was hoping for a miracle. She seemed to be doing very well. But it got the best of her and she gave up her fight for life last night, August 4th, 2005 at the age of three years old.

May God comfort my sweet friend and her husband and strengthen them through this devastating time in their lives. I truly cannot comprehend what they may be feeling. Utter devastation.

And may God bless you, sweet Clara, as you find your little angel wings and fly.